second time shame on me.

I did something in a heart of sweetness I wish I hadn’t. I re-friended my Mother-in-law on Facebook because she kept asking and been really nice to me for so long I agreed.

SIGH* Now she is bugging the crap out of me.

Shame on me for being so soft hearted.

Not only that, now Husband thinks we are peachy keen and arranged a trip south to visit her. I cannot say I am excited but he sure is happy.

Is this a thing to do for loved ones and Family? To laydown all differences and just struggle to bites ones tongue?

Oh well it gives me great blogging material HUH? LOL

A picture from one of my walks this week. It looks like lilies floating on a pond but it really is a tree branch.   

 

Pretty huh?

My new baby since my boys won’t let me take pictures of them anymore.

Memow was looking at a toy mouse I was holding behind my iphone LOL

Well Just a short update of nothing much but I hope you have a good rest of the week.

 

 

Hope this post doesn’t go wonky on me. Xanga has had some issues with pictures loading for me. Probably doesn’t like my firewalls. :OP

I made Black bread from my new favorite cook book, A Feast of Ice and Fire.

You can see their website for the book here and get some free recipes from the site. LINK>>>>The Official Game of Thrones companion cook book A feast of Ice and Fire.

Here is what I made. It is so dense and think but soft and chewy with a crisp crust. Tastes like a strong beer but nonalcoholic since you cook the alcohol out of it when you bake the bread.

My husband and my boys loved it.

I want to try some honeyeyed chicken too.

Anyway I love G.O.T. too much I think it boarders obsession. LOL I want to make a dress now for renaissance fair that is how crazy I ma getting

Oh But I must make my powwow regalia first, so many irons on the fire right now in my mind.

 

 

 

 

 

I had a lovely day yesterday thanks to my boys and hubby. Made me lazy this morning but its back to the grind.

One of my plans today are to make Black Bread from my official Game of Thrones cookbook called, “A feast of Ice and fire.” If you didn’t know I am a huge fan of that series from George R.R. Martin. The cookbook has many of the recipes that are in the book series. Black bread is made with rye flour and stout beer. Needless to say my husband is excited I am planning to make this recipe. He loves both rye and stout.  

So what are your plans today? 

I also plan to play with my new expansion to my sims 3 game I got for Mothers day. Think I might be the only mom who wanted a computer game for Mothers day. Lol

 

 

I am up at 1 am and cannot sleep. I think it is because I ate way to much chocolate today. Perfect time to update the ole blog eh?

I hope everyone has a happy mothers day. My family and I had a early mothers day celebrating today. 

 We went to Philadelphia today and stopped at the Reading Terminal Market to buy honey and other things. The chocolates shop there is famous for their anatomically correct shaped chocolate hearts. But today we bought fudge. Ewey gooey sticky sweet chocolate fudge that I ate this past evening and wish I hadn’t. MyFitnessPal data banks didn’t even have it on file. I guess most strict dieters don’t eat fudge? LOL! We walked so much today so even with the calories I stayed in my goal. The counter deducts the exercise you do for the calories you eat. I really like that. Sometimes if I want to eat something yummy I work out so I can. LoL hey maybe I will become addicted to working out? It is a thought. Ha i wish. But I doubt it since this week they learned that people are born couch potatoes. Yes the news stated that certian peoples DNA is more likely to exercise than others. I knew it! The universe wants me fat! Ha ! 

I didn’t tell you my “allergy” to exercise yet. Well here it goes, I have Exercise Asthma! I learned about it a year ago from the pulmonologist but thought I would get better with my weight loss. I lost 60 lbs last year but Nope! The asthma still kicks up if I exercise too long. I got an inhaler a couple weeks ago to from my Doctor. They want to do a lung function test soon but honestly it is fine as long as i don’t do too much aerobic activity. Another clue to my life of exercise avoidance. Lol 

But on the posative side I can do strength exercise and small weight lifting if I am careful. I lost weight with doing some pilates and weights faster than walking everyday. I am glad about that.

This mom is excited to get her breakfast in bed so I better go and take some melatonin.

Have a good day!

FYI I really cannot stand Glen Beck. That being said I approve this message.

LOL This cracked me up good!

 

I hate that automatically it is about us vs. them when it comes to immigration thoughts. Hey we are all humans needing a place that is safe and secure to raise our babies. The Human condition is what unites us all.

Anyway I hate that people like Glen are so racist. HE needs to get over himself.

 

 

Trying to work on my negative attitudes here lately. I have some mental exercises to release some of them.

Happiness is not a place but a way of thinking I have learned and I am working on that concept.

Things I am working on are…

 

….listening to more uplifting music and enjoying natures beauty…

 

….not letting social media upset me and put my mind in a negative train of thought….

…seeing myself as an inspiration not a mistake to the world, that I have something valuable to contribute even if it’s just a smile…

 

…seeing in my minds eye that I have a bright future not a doomed one. That sometimes things just happen. I can work my future but not the past. I need to let some of it go and heal…

 and not holding myself up to impossible perfections and learning acceptance of who I am. Learning to like myself.

BElieving in Yourself is BE YOU!

 

Realizing, I am who I am and that is going to be good enough. Not saying I cannot work on being better but seeing myself in a new light in stead of my old negative one.

Happiness is not the impossible dream it is within my power to obtain.

“Happiness is a mental or emotional state of  well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment  to intense joy” ~Wiki

 

I hope you can find some happiness today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love making this healthier version of granola over store bought. It is less fat and sugars then what I buy too. Totally diabetic friendly since Honey and maple sugar has a low glycemic index plus with the fibers it helps cancel out the carbs. I had some this morning and posted this on Facebook for a cousin of mine. I thought you all on Xanga would like this too. Here is a picture I took this morning in its container.

I got the original recipe out of newsweek years ago but altered it here and there to make it even healthier without losing taste. It saves me a lot of money since granola is my kids favorite. Granola is really expensive!

I had some this morning with my accidental goat milk yogurt. HA I thought it was Greek. I was shocked to see that it was goat milk yogurt I was eating. I had an aversion to anything Goat related but this was very yummy and tangy.  I am over my goat milk discrimination.  Anyway here it is just for you.

 

Ikwa’s homemade granola

Ingredients:

2 cups Old fashioned oats

1/2 cup wheat germ or ground flax meal if you want it gluten free. (I actually use both.)

2 Tbsp honey or molasses

1/4 tsp salt

1/4 cup maple syrup

3 Tbsp flavorless oil. (I use coconut oil.)

1Tbsp water

A single flavoring  (These examples at your choice are: 1 tsp Cinnamon, 1 tsp vanilla extract, 1/4 tsp allspice, 1/2 tsp ground or grated ginger, 1/2 orange or lemon zest and/or  3/4 tsp Almond extract. Choose one or if you want I use cinnamon and ginger)

1 Cup extra ingredient   (Those examples are: almonds,  flake coconut, cashews, chia seeds, flax seeds, chopped banana chips, chopped pecans or any other nuts, and my favorite  sunflower seeds. Just makes sure any combination equals one cup.)

Optional: 1/2 cup Dried fruit of choice (to be added after baking 30 minutes)

 Adjust oven rack to middle position and preheat oven at 275 degrees. Oil Coat a 9X13 inch metal pan with cooking spray (or rub with coconut oil)

 

Stir together in large bowl the dry ingredients. Oats, wheat germ or flax, extra cup ingredient but not dried fruit.

In a small sauce pan stir the honey, salt, maple syrup, oil, and water and stir over low heat until simmering.

Then drizzle hot liquid over dry and stir with large spoon to combine. When cooled mix with hands and squeeze granola mixture to create clumps and. pour into baking pan. Bake for 30  minutes and then stir in dried fruit and bake an additional 15 minutes until a golden brown. Let cool and store in air tight container.

Makes a quart and good for up to two weeks if stored properly (or you can freeze on storage baggies if making a large batch.)

……………………………..

As you see it is very easy recipe. It is very healthy and delicious.   Let me know if you make it. I am interested in seeing if you liked it.

Enjoy!

 

     Recently  I have been feeling bad about not being able to feel happy. I asked to up my depression medication with my doctor. Yeah I suffer from Depression. It is a genetic thing I think. My earliest memories are seeing my mom cry  and not want to get out of bed. I think back now and I think she was bi-polar. Really she had so many ups and downs it was like living in a three ring circus growing up with her. She took most of her aggression out on me being the oldest girl. She couldn’t be angry with my dad but she let me have it when she was mad at him. It made a very unhealthy relationship.

I always was a moody kid too when I wasn’t being scared and shy. I really hated life growing up and wished everyday I was a normal middle class white girl. To me they always looked happy. I would escape in an imaginary world where I picked who I was and no one could change that person unless I willed it. Yeah it sounds weird but It is how I coped. I got over that in my teen years and found that my heritage to be a source of pride I didn’t have in myself alone. I found strength in knowing how my ancestors lived so I could exist. It gave me a purpose in life even though I still struggled pretty badly with depression.

When I had my second child, it was the first time a medical professional cared how I felt,  when I had a (normal to me) crying jag in the hospital bathroom. Later I realized  the doctors were really scared I would hurt my baby with postpartum depression. Oh so It wasn’t me again. Ha! I was told to talk to my doctor who put me on Lexapro. It was the first time I felt Normal. The first time I could actually say I feel good and like getting up in the morning. I was so glad to be on them.

The last 12 years I have been on and off meds. At times I can cut back but it never fails in spring I get a depression problem. It isn’t like I am suicidal or anything but when I should be happy I can’t feel it. Even when happy things are happening to me. I learned to mask it well and I noticed my horrible negative attitude was coming back.  I have to be my best advocate I learned be cause with all my coping mechanisms in place it didn’t help me face the real problem. I am depressed again. 

It is really a disease and my doctor said that if anyone should know it best it would be me. That I should not feel guilty when I need help or need my  meds. I was depressed I was depressed again! ha!  MD is so great and she encourages me so much. 

Why

 I am spilling my beans about this is because I know that many people suffer from this and don’ t get help.  I wish they would and stop feeling upset about not being able to control their own feelings when it clearly isn’t their fault.

 

 

 

 

 

Ok confession! I woke up with a sinus infection and decided to use antibiotics I had from a few other times that I saved up. I have enough for ten days.   Do you ever do that? I know its bad but I had infections so frequently in the past I know what I am dealing with, dizzy, nausea, sinus drainage, & severe headache.  I just went to the Doctor Monday and don’t want to go again. Yes i am really being dumb and stubborn but it means my husband has to take off work again this week and he has twice already. Aaron was brought home sick yesterday from school. I hate that I cannot drive myself or the kids.  

So I resorted to taking old pills and home remedies. Sigh*